And so, I wait... not always patiently but I'm learning to trust God more and He is revealing a lot to me. I am waiting, but I am not idle. Right before I left on the WR, I moved back into my parents’ house. I left everything in boxes and added them to the other boxes I had stored and other things I had never moved out of their house. Coming back, it has almost been like I am living in a storage room - living in and amongst all my boxes and the addition of some of my family's stuff. When I arrived home, I shuffled things around and made the space livable but mostly I ignored and avoided the boxes.
I have known that I have needed to go through my stuff and get rid of things even before I left on the WR but I was too busy then. Since coming home, I just didn't want to deal with it all. Part of that is because while I was gone, our basement flooded (which is where my room is) and some of my stuff was ruined despite all my family's efforts to dry things out. I am a neat organized person and in those boxes everything is a mess. Most things are not as I left them. I have not wanted to open the boxes to find things in disarray and try to make sense out of it all and I haven't wanted to find out what all was ruined.
However, after 4 months of doing other things my project now is to unpack all my boxes. It's amusing to me that the past year all I needed I carried on my back and we were having conversations then about what we really needed to have with us and how we needed to get rid of things. It is so easy to accumulate things when you have space for them; but, when you are carrying everything you own, you begin to really evaluate what you need and what is worth carrying. You don't want to carry more than you need to. Now, I am doing that at home. I am not just to going to unpack these boxes, but to actually go through things and decide what I need to keep, what to give away, and what to throw away. I have a tendency to hold on to things thinking that I might need them in the future. The past year, I have learned that God is a God who provides. He provided for me when I was in need before so why do I need to hold on to something now that I may or may not need in the future? Why can't I give it to someone who is in need of it now and trust that if I do need it in the future, God will provide again? And so, I have begun that process of opening boxes, sorting things, and deciding what to do with the stuff. I have had to throw away many photo albums that were ruined and I have given away boxes/bags of things to Goodwill that I no longer need. I have been going down memory lane as I’m finding lots of things I have held on to even from childhood! And, I have only just begun.
But, I am learning to let go. I am learning that I can’t live looking back at my past or live in the future. I need to live in the here and now. To live in the moment and listen for what God has for me now. God has also not been idle or absent during this time. As I have started unpacking boxes and literally going through things from my life, God has been showing me that in many ways there have been things in my life that I have treated like these boxes. I am ashamed to admit that I have become good at ignoring and avoiding things. Pretending they aren't there - putting them in “boxes” thinking that I'll deal with them later. Knowing that I need to think and pray about stuff and deal with it but putting it off for some other time that never came. Well, I can no longer run as God has stripped me of all of my excuses for putting things off and it is time to unpack my boxes both literally and emotionally/spiritually. I am not perfect. God is using this time to reveal things to me which are molding and shaping my character. He is purifying me and preparing me for whatever is next.
What about you? Are there things in your life that you have been avoiding and/or ignoring? Now is the time to let Him in and allow Him to work in your life. It may seem daunting or like it will just make a mess of things but I promise you it is worth it. God can't give you more if you continue to hold on to the things of before. Let go! Allow him to work. Sometimes He has to do some pruning in our lives so that we can grow (John 15:1-2). And begin asking the question, “What does He want from/for me TODAY?”
