Unpacking Boxes... (part 3): TRUST

Alison,

God has truly blessed my life with our friendship and I am so excited to see how that continues to grow! In praying for you the other day, God have me the word TRUST. In the short time I have known you, a character trait I continually see in you is trust. Your team trusts you, your family trusts you, and even people that are newly placed in your life can sense that quality. God gave you that gift for a beautiful purpose and reason and all he asks in return is for you to TRUST Him back. So step out, take that chance, do a death scream if you must :) and walk in faith knowing you have a great and wonderful Papa with whom you can TRUST with even the tiny, little details of your life. Can't wait to see the ways God is planning on rocking your world this month!

Much Love, Micah

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

  

This was a note given to me at some point on our long bus ride through Africa (read blog from bus ride). I read the note, was encouraged in part and dismissed part thinking “I don't know what she means that I need to trust God in return because I do trust Him.”

I didn't think much more about it until recently....

Fast forward 6 months. I am in Malaysia and the end of the WR is looming. The girls on my team are anxiously trying to figure out “what's next” for them. We are going home soon and are unsure of what we are going to do. With all their talk and trying to make plans, I essentially started to ask the same question. Soon these thoughts began to consume my mind and it was hard to focus on our ministry there in Malaysia.

On one of our days off, we happened to be staying with our contacts (our place had flooded the day before) and we were able to use the pool in their apartment complex. Us girls spent some time by the pool that morning until a big dark storm cloud blew in. With the sun covered, a dark cloud overhead, and rain undoubtedly on the way, the other girls decided to pack up and head to a coffee shop around the corner. I opted to stay by the pool as I just needed some time to be alone.

I was excited when the cloud blew over and the sun came back out! I was left alone to swim and bask in the sun. I dove in and swam the length of the pool before coming up for air. I leaned on the edge of the pool to catch my breath and I began to pray. I began to give things I'd been trying to deal with on my own (frustrations, etc.) over to God and then I began to pray about my future. As I did, my prayers began to change.... Remembering my frustrations of the last few days and the frustrations of team leaders when all anyone did was repeatedly ask them questions that they may or may not have had answers to, I asked God “do you ever get frustrated with us? We keep asking you the same questions over and over and over again...”

God brought to mind all the times in the past year that I lived from month to month not worrying about what was to come in the next one. I knew that AIM was taking care of things and had things under control. I knew that they would communicate what was needed to the squad leaders and the squad leaders to the leaders and on down to us... my time to know would come when I needed to know. Sometimes I didn't know where I was going until 2 days before we left and I was okay with that. I didn't have to ask questions. I knew I would get to where I needed to be when the time came whether I knew where I was going or not. I trusted them.

As I thought about that, I relinquished everything. I prayed, “Okay God, if I can trust them, surely, I can trust that you are going to tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. I will stop asking you the same question over and over and start listening for you to speak. I know you will speak when the time comes. I trust you.”

 

I have been finding out those words are easier said than done....

 

The WR ended and I came home not knowing much about my future but trusting that God would lead. Not long after being home, I went to visit my old co-workers and share about my trip. The next day my ex-supervisor called me and asked if I wanted my job back. I knew this wasn't what I wanted for my life but it was tempting to take the job just to have a job and make money. I told her I would think about it and let her know.

As I prayed about it the rest of that day and into the next, I felt God asking, “Do you trust me?”  I trust you, God. I know that you have a plan for me but why not work and make some money until you tell me what it is you have for me? “You know this is not what I have for you. So why would you go back? Do you trust me?”

As I thought about His question, I had to ask myself that. I thought I trusted Him. Having grown up in the church you hear that word all the time but what does it really mean?

So I looked it up. In Webster's New World Dictionary it defines it this way:

Trust = to rely or depend on

And as I've sought out what it really means to trust/depend on God, I've been reminded of the analogy of riding a tandem bike with God (if you don't know the analogy you can read it here) and the part of what it looks like when we trust Him. He is in the front seat and we are to be in the back. We are completely dependent upon Him. We can't pedal or steer the bike without His help. Sometimes we can't even see where we are going. He is leading and we are following - trusting/relying on Him to get us where we need to go. We literally won't go anywhere He doesn't go because we are attached to Him. He goes before us.  He is with us every step of the way.

Thinking about that, do I really trust Him? Do I depend on Him? These are questions I've had to ask myself the past several months. I was reminded of the note that I was given on the African bus trip and realized that perhaps Micah was right, I didn't really trust Him. I trusted myself. And God was asking me to trust Him instead.

I think often times I find myself in the front seat of the tandem bike. I am the one in control. I'm pedaling away and only turning to God when I need help. Feeling anxious or afraid and asking God where I should steer the bike because I can't see up ahead.....

With my words, “Okay God, I trust you.” I am making a choice to stop pedaling, to get off the bike, and to switch places with God. I am letting Him take the front seat and allowing Him to steer me through life. That first step is the hardest but that doesn't mean that the rest is easy. There are times I want to take the front seat back but then I hear God's voice asking me, “Do you trust me?” Sometimes things come up that I feel DOUBT or SHAME, to name a few, but again I hear God saying “trust me”. It is that voice I choose to listen to for He doesn't just know the way, He IS the way.

Sometimes things may not make sense or may even sound crazy at times. It goes against the norms of this society. Those are the times I want to take over. To do things on my own. Then I'm reminded of the well-known verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

 

God reminds me to “lean not on your own understanding...trust me...I will direct your steps”. Things may not make sense to us but that is when we have to trust. God has a plan. He knows the way and He will get us there if we will only trust Him. If we will only set aside our independence and pride or whatever else gets in our way and allow Him to take over.

If you read my previous blog, you will know that is something I have struggled with. I like to be in control but I am learning to let go... even if, at times, it is throwing my hands up to take my hands off the handle bars of the bike and exasperatedly saying, “Fine God. This is crazy. I don't know how this is going to work but if it is you’re going to have to do it.” And once I give up control it is still a struggle to allow God to stay in control. He may tell me something about my future and then I go with that and try to figure it out... to figure out how it is going to work or how to get there. That is when God has been telling me, “Wait. Be patient. Trust me.”

And if I look at Proverbs 3:5-6 in the Message version it says:

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all.”

 

So I continue to seek Him every step of the way. I know that I am where God wants me and that He has a plan for me. Yes, 7 months later and I have no job, no car. But that is what I have chosen. I have learned to hear God's voice and now I am learning to listen even if it sounds crazy or doesn't make sense. Because I trust Him. God told me to “wait”. I believe He has a plan and looking back over the past 7 months I can see how He has used me in various ways that had I taken a job or had a car... they wouldn't have happened. He has also used this time to teach me the lessons I am sharing with you and I know that He is also using this time to prepare me for what is next. So I continue to wait until I hear otherwise. I am not worried. I know God will provide for me and take care of me. He will speak when it is time. I trust Him.

The verse Micah wrote in her note to me over a year ago comes back to me…. It is where I have found that when I trust God and walk in that I have a joy, peace, and hope that I can’t explain. And so this is my prayer for you as well:

 “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

With that prayer, there are some questions I want you to think about. What about you? Do you trust God? I mean really trust Him? What seat are you on riding your tandem bike?